My mom and I went to our first meeting with the Compassionate Friends, an organization for group support for grieving parents and siblings. I think it was really great for both of us. But it got me thinking about something that's bothered me before and is bothering me again.
It's that moment when the grief is no longer shared with everyone around you and becomes your own. You look around and don't see all those faces looking at you with care and love and the words of "How are you today? Do you need anything?" When everyone around you has gone back to their lives, but you haven't. The world around you keeps going, but you're standing still. You feel so completely alone.
You want to cry and and scream at everyone "I'm still grieving, why aren't you?!" How can the world just keep going on when my loved one is still gone and I still hurt.
I know very well that no one has likely forgotten I've suffered a loss. But it's not in the forefront of their minds like it is mine. And why should it be? And maybe they've had a loss of their own that they're dealing with. It makes me feel so selfish, but so lonely.
Being in that room and knowing every single person there knows grief and knows what we feel and is feeling it too. That alone was worth the trip.