Woah, where'd that come from?

I don't know if it's my nerves for an upcoming audition, or looking at my reflection for the last hour in Zumba class, looking like an elephant having a seizure, but my self esteem went down faster than a..... almost made a dirty joke there.

So Saturday I'm auditioning for a big show.  A very big production.  I haven't auditioned for anything in over a year.  For 2 big reasons.  1. I burned myself out a bit and needed a break and 2. somewhere along the lines I lost all my self-confidence as an actor.  Well I decided my break was done and I'm ready to hit the stage again, but that self-confidence thing has not corrected itself yet.  I go through phases of "I got this.  I'm far too awesome NOT to get the part" and "what the hell am I doing?  I am SOOOO not going to get this.  Seriously, I sing ok, but I dance like a rhino falling over it's own feet and I'm just all over too doofy to act."

Regardless of any of that auditioning in general gets me so nervous because I suck at it so bad.  It's like job interviews.  I suck at those too.  Once I get the job, or the part I do just fine.  But the audition/interview part.... not pretty.  I'm amazed I've ever gotten a job.

Zumba class, I have to spend an hour looking at my reflection in a wall length mirror, since class is in a dance studio type room.  Now this is a good thing because you need to make sure you're doing the moves right, etc.  But I really, really hate looking at myself.  And I cannot dance to save my life.  I can get by, but I look ridiculous.  It's actually kinda hilarious.  I giggle a lot in Zumba.

But for some reason tonight everything just kinda crashed down on me all at once and I completely fell into myself.  I hate moments like those.

But like all things they pass quickly and life moves on.  So now I can go back to being utterly awesome again.