Thursday, July 12, 2012

Running low on care

Slacking on my posting again, I know.  I missed another Wednesday.  I actually have made progress on the sweater, I'm close to done with the main ribbed band.  I just need to make the arm bands and I can start on the main part.  YAY!  Got a few rows on the Tunisian Scarf as well.

And I'm about 12 scripts away from being done with my reading.  So close I can smell it.

Ok, so what's with my post title?  Faithful Readers, your own friendly bohemian crafter is getting less friendly lately.  And I'm really struggling.  I'm gonna vent a bit here, please feel free to skip this post, I really will not be offended.

I quit acting to hopefully ease my stress levels, but they're worse than they've ever been.  I'm a wreck lately.  I know my S.A.D. is playing a big part in this, but I'm at my breaking point with dealing with other people right now.  I don't talk much about work here, for a lot of reasons, but mainly it's not professional and I really love my job and do not wish to do/say anything that would change my employment status.  Regardless, the sad, sad truth is a BIG part of my job is dealing with problems.  So I only ever hear from people when they're upset about things.  And my lord do they get angry.  And over things so trivial, you would just..... A person can only take that for so long before you crack.  For the most part I've lasted this long because I'm pretty good at leaving work at work and living my life when I walk out of the building.  But it's not always that simple.  I lose sleep some nights, and I snap at theonlyboyfriend sometimes.  I'm only human here.  I kinda blew up at a co-worker a few days ago and I really do feel bad about it, but I'm still fuming over what they did/got away with.  It's just sitting there in my brain like a tumor, eating away at me.  I took a couple days off last week hoping it would help, but came back more wound up than when I left.

There are some problems with a family member that I won't get into detail about in respect of their privacy, but things int he family are as shook up as they can be.  I'm trying desperately to hold things together as best I can, but I'm only one person.  It's killing me to see so much pain and suffering and knowing I can't take it away.

I have a "friend" in my life too that insists on creating drama ALL THE TIME.  And I'm stuck being the ear they talk off.  I try hard to remember they are VERY young and naive and I was young and naive once, but I can only take so much of being stuck in the middle of their crap.

I'm slowly running out of cares to give and I don't like that.  I don't want to become a bitter, sour, mean old lady. I know it's completely my fault because I'm too nice to begin with, and allow myself to be walked all over.  I just don't know how to put up those limits.  My only method is secluding myself.  I never leave the house anymore and I rarely see friends.  I just don't have the emotional energy to put up that face for any longer than the 8 hours I'm at work.

I walked into my church on Sunday and was met with a hug from one of my most favorite people and I literally burst into tears. I'm starting to have stomach problems again, and I'm not sleeping well.  I'm tired all the time.

Wow that went on a bit.  Sorry to bring everyone down, that's not the typical style of my blog here.  I try to keep this a happy, fun, crafty place.  I'm just struggling to find that happy right now.  It will come back I'm sure.

So I don't end this on a poopy note, here's something happy.  After being missing for a few months, we finally found Theonlycat's favorite toy.  She is beside herself with joy.  She won't go anywhere without it now.

Soooooooo happy!!!!

Ok.  I'll try to post a more peppy and fun Friday Five tomorrow to make up for this big pile of sad.  

2 comments:

  1. You are only human. I kind of went through something similar last year after I had my knee replaced and couldn't do much of anything for 6 months. I got so tired of one person's drama over the silliest things. I don't have drama in my own life and the best thing for me was to, sadly, let go of that person. I don't regret it. I also got into a different line of work and have been happy ever since. Before I changed those two things I was grumpy and never smiled. I wasn't really very happy with ordinary, day to day life. I was still happy with my husband and daughter, just knew some other things had to change. I am not saying quit your job and get rid of your friend. That is what I did and it was drastic. For me it worked.
    You are only human though and a person can only take so much before feeling the way you do. I think you are pretty cool and I like your sense of irony and your sense of humor. I hope things get better for you. If you need to talk to someone in private, my email is kashigriffith@yahoo.com
    Feel free to contact me for any reason. Take care of yourself. XOXO

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  2. Hugz and luvz and all kinds of warm fuzzies to you my friend.

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